there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
