lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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