If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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