Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize