Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
