I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
