I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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