Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
