I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
