No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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