Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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