Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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