I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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