I heard we made out
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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