ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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