He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
