wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
