I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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