so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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