The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
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I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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