i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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