I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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