I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.