I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.