Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.