I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
