I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.