Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.