doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?