I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
