I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
