I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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