Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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