If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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