oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
