If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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