Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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