I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone π
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that π I went with "no"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. Thatβs all. I have no other memory.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf βIβm wfh tomrw. Nooner? π¦β
Randomize