i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
