umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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