They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
