eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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