My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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