the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
