During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
