Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
