dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Houston, we have a blender
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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