You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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