Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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