the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
