Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
