he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
