And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
