Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
