if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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