my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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