Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
