sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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