My hand turned me down
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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