No awkward lesbian experiences without me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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