I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
