It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
