Umm I'm too high to move.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
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After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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