in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
