WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
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sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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