Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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