i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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