Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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