My nipple is on Facebook.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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